Today our small community learned that someone that was pretty well known took her own life. Family and friends are reeling from the news and everyone is left with unanswered questions and pain that will not be easily healed.
When I first learned what happened, I was stunned and shocked just like everyone but rather than transitioning into sorrow for the loss of this woman I knew, I felt empathy for her son and his loss. I began running through how he must feel in my head and it broke my heart for him.
From empathy to anger...
I have lost more people than I care to count to suicide. I've never understood it, I simply can not comprehend what could drive someone to that. At least not the people I've known because even though they may had been going through a particularly difficult time, their life still wasn't that bad and they would have come through it had they just stuck it out. I can't fathom how someone could do that to their families. Did they not even consider what they were doing to anyone else by taking their own life. Extinguishing their light from the lives of all those who loved them. It's selfish and terrible!
This is doubly applicable when there are children involved. The woman we lost today was a mother; she had an amazing son that I know she loved wholeheartedly. She often spoke of and bragged about him. He had been her world. So what changed that? How could she turn her back on him this way? Leave him in this terribly ugly world without his mother to depend on? I don't even want to think about what that poor boy is going through. I'm an adult and the thought of losing either of my parents automatically brings tears to my eyes and pains in my chest.
When you decide to become a parent, you lose all rights of being selfish, your life is not your life, it is your child's life. You brought this precious soul into the world promising to cherish, protect and love them; to help them grow. How dare you be so self centered! I don't care what pain you are feeling did you not once consider what you were doing to your child?
Alas, I didn't write this with the intentions of slamming anyone I'm just angry.
I also have another question running through my mind, why does everyone feel so taboo when it comes to suicide? What I mean is, I have seen countless RIP posts on Facebook today and anytime someone would ask what happened... *crickets* If she had been hit by a car everyone would have answered without delay; so why not the same for this? It's not bad mouthing her or disrespectful to her family. It's just honesty on the situation. It's not pleasant but death rarely is no matter the form it comes in. Don't be afraid to speak the truth.
Moral of the story: I'm not sure there is one really. What has happened is tragic, unnecessary, selfish and stupid. I'm angry and hurt for that little boy that will never again see his mother's beautiful face. Things of this nature bring about many emotions for many people, don't be ashamed of yours, I'm not.
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