Abusive bartenders and the assholes that love them..

It's been a month since my last blog, I'd like to blame it on writers block but honestly I've just been too emotionally "down" to rant publicly over anything.

Even now as I write this I'm feeling quite "blah" about it.  It's not a rant or rave just an observation I've made a few times and got a good laugh about yesterday.

I'm a bartender; I've worked in bars for nearing twenty years so I've grown accustomed to withstanding all sorts of abuse.  Tolerance all in the name of the mighty dollar.  However, I've also perfected the technique of dishing out abuse to deserving customers and them eating it up like candy; it's truly amazing what you can get away with saying to people as long as you have the right tone and a smile on your face.

This last Saturday night I lost my composure; after what seemed an eternity of nearly every person I served arguing,complaining or whining, I snapped. I screamed, cussed, threw stuff, and even told one guy to fuck off and go away.  I immediately went in the back room to take a moment to pull myself together and went back to face the hordes.  For the rest of the night I was a special kind of bitch, seriously verbally abusive to my customers but of course always with a smile on my face.

One customer especially got under my skin.  He's new to the area, (I'm pretty sure Saturday night was only his second time in) and in a very short time has demonstrated all the behaviors that I fucking hate in customers.  If you've read any of my previous blogs you know some of them but I'll give a brief summary for those who haven't.

• Slamming your hand on the bar or whistling to get my attention
• Demanding my attention and then when I get you not knowing what you want
• Arguing over alcohol content in the drink (I pour heavy if you can't taste the alcohol you need to go to AA)
• Not having payment ready
• Acting like you're the only customer in the bar (if we are busy you're going to have to wait for service, I hate for you but everyone has to wait at some point)
• and last but not least the "I used to be a bartender" (this one really gets on my nerves.  Really, I could give a fuck less if you used to work in a bar, you don't now.  Also, obviously for some reason you weren't successful enough at it to own one and I am so your insight is invalid)

After having done all of the above but the last one, he put the last nail in his coffin with this:
Him: "I need a sweet but really strong drink for a girl"
Me: "Ok how about an Amf or a derailer?"
As I make my suggestions he turns around to confer with a friend, I wait ....wait... now I walk away to wait on other people..  Eventually making my way back to him I ask him if he's decided what he wants.   I can't remember what he ordered but it was a drink I'd never heard of, I told him I didn't know how to make it and asked if he knew what went in it.  He then proceeds to say that he didn't know but his friend (the one he originally turned around to talk to) used to be a bartender and had made the drink up.
Me: "Are you fucking kidding me right now?" just as I'm about to tell this guy where he can shove his suggestion, my Jerri Lu steps in and says "If you're friend made it up, how in the hell is she supposed to know how to make it?"   He walks away to find his friend, the both eventually come back to the bar and he orders an Amf.  I face-palm and make his drink.

To say the least for the rest of the night I did nothing but talk shit to this kid.  Patronizing him in every way that I thought I could get away with.

Fast forward to Sunday.. I'm at home sitting on my couch in my pjs when there is a knock on my door.  It's the "friend" he had forgotten his credit card.  I begrudgingly put on my shoes and walk over to the bar. He follows me in and right after him is the "annoying guy".    Polite conversation was made while I was getting his card and slip and then they said something that inspired this whole post..

"Thanks for everything last night you're awesome" I laughed a little and told them that I know I was a huge bitch to them all night.  They proceeded to argue with me, and tell me that they loved me, how much fun I was and that I was one of the best bartenders they've encountered.
Maybe they are very sheltered or gluttons for punishment,but I am still giggling about it.

Moral of the story: I treat customers how they deserve to be treated.  If you're good to me, I will be to you; if you're a little annoying asshole I'll treat you like one.  This is one of the reasons I love what I do, the ability to call people out on their bullshit and get away with it.  So, the next time you're in my club if you feel like you're being treated poorly by me, step back and take a self assessment of your behavior and maybe you'll realize why you are being treated the way you are.