Rantings of an insane bartender: Rules to live by Part II

*Disclaimer the opinions expressed in this blog represent only the views of the author and many of the bartending associates I've become acquainted with over the years.  By no means am I claiming that all bartenders share my opinions*

Today I want to discuss a delicate subject that no one likes; getting cut off.

First let me state what seems to be a little known fact; in the state of Arizona it is illegal to be drunk in a bar!  That's right, it is illegal to accomplish the goal that most people set when going to a bar.  Well actually it's phrased "visibly intoxicated".  Arizona's liquor board has a long list of indicators of someone being visibly intoxicated but I'll just name a few of the basics.

• Slurred speech 
• Staggering or stumbling while trying to walk
• Lack of coordination (fumbling with money etc)
• Droopy eyelids (looking drowsy)

So according to the law if you fit any of those four things or any of the others that I didn't list we are supposed to cut you off because you are visibly intoxicated.

In all of my years I have never known any bartender or establishment that has cut off every person who seems drunk/intoxicated.  If we did no one would make any money and all the bars would be closed a lot earlier in the night.  Sometimes you all just don't leave us any other choice.  

No one likes cutting people off.  Generally it's an unpleasant experience to all parties involved. So, we don't cut people off and throw them out for the fun of it (ok maybe once in a while but only if you're a real tool)  If you find yourself getting cut off try with all the might your alcohol soaked brain can muster not to be a total DB about it.  Try to remember that to us your night of jager induced puking is not worth our jobs or the hefty fine we could receive for over serving you.  Think of it as us doing you a favor.  You won't be nearly as hung over the next day and we could possibly be saving you from waking up in the morning and having a coyote ugly moment.

You may find yourself asking,"But, Amanda, how can I avoid being in that situation in the first place?" .  I'm so glad you asked because I'm going to give you some tips, tricks and advice...

• Eat before you go out at least 45 mins before your real night begins eat a decent meal that is kind to your stomach
• Pace yourself (I promise you don't have the stamina you think you do)
• Stick with what you know you can handle (if you know that a shot of whiskey will turn you into a real life reenactment of the exorcist, don't fucking drink it!) 

Those are the simple basics for anyone, anywhere.  For my bar/bartenders more specifically...
 
We will always do our best to save you from yourselves!  I try to enforce the "slow your roll" method this method has a few steps to it..

1.  I'll start force feeding you water between drinks.  If I do this don't argue
2. I'll limit your shots.  If I do this don't argue
3. You will no longer be served shots.  If I do this don't argue
4. I'll limit all hard alcohol. If I do this don't arge
5. You are allowed only beer with a glass of water between each beer.  If I do this don't argue 
6. You're cut off from any alcohol.  If I do this don't argue

If you missed the theme there, the key is to not argue! You know because there is nothing we love more than listening to someone argue about how they are not drunk while they walk into walls and fall off of bar stools...   If you act like a total DB and  argue with me or my staff at any point of this process you'll accomplish nothing but pissing me off and getting yourself thrown out.  If it happens on multiple occasions I'll skip my process all together and just immediately cut you off.                

We work in a bar, not a daycare.  We are not there to babysit you!
Man up take on some self accountability and maintain a happy non visibly intoxicated buzz!

 

Part III will show up eventually <3