The friend zone

It's not what you're thinking, I'm not talking about some poor bastard who is secretly pining for his best friend.  Although, that may be a topic in the future.

No, this is about people who can't seem to tell the difference between business and personal matters.

It's common knowledge that I am a business woman, I own and run a night club.  Any given weekend you can see my sunshiny smiling face behind the bar (yes I'm being sarcastic).  From the moment I step foot into that bar I am all business.  Friend, foe, or family member, no longer exist for me, you are now either a customer or an employee. 

I do my best to treat everyone with respect until they give me reason to do otherwise; what that means is no matter who you are if you fuck up, I'm going to let you know and treat you accordingly.

My dearest employees (past,present, and future): 

Get this through your skulls, if I didn't like you on a personal level you wouldn't/won't work for me long.  I'm the boss and one of the only perks of that is not being forced to endure coworkers that I can't stand.
However, I can't be friends with my staff.  Not meaning that I won't be friendly or that we won't chit chat at work but don't get your panties in a twist if I don't hang out with you socially.  I've been burned too many times in the past by "friends" that I've had working for me. I learned a valuable lesson by it, an employee that considers themselves my friend expects special considerations or exemptions when it comes to work (there are a few exceptions to this rule and they know who they are.) and then get hurt when they realize that they aren't special, not when it comes to my business.  If you're fucking off at work you are fucking with my livelihood and I won't stand for it.  No one is irreplaceable and you're not exempt from that rule no matter how close we are.

There have been times in the past that I've been backed into a corner and not been able to "punish" bad behavior but I have a long memory so if you currently work for me and think you've gotten away with your stupid bullshit, think again.   


My friends, or people who think they are my friends:

I love it when friends come in to party it up.  I enjoy my bartender/hostess role and helping my friends relax and have a good time.  It's always nice to have a bar full of people that I enjoy it makes everyone's night nicer. 

Having said that, if you come into my club and act like a stupid jackass don't expect me to coddle or baby you.  Anyone that is truly my friend damn well knows that I will be the first person to call you out on your bullshit and that is especially so if it's in my bar.  In fact if we truly are friends I'll actually probably be harder on you than I would be with some random asshole.  I hold my friends to a higher standard and if you are going to behave like and idiot, I have no use for you in my life.  There have been some people who have learned this lesson the hard way, some handled it better than others but either way they all now know not to expect special treatment if they've screwed up during my business hours.  So let me say this in case I haven't made it clear, if I'm working don't expect me to treat you any differently than I would a complete stranger; all the same rules apply to you as they do to anyone else. As I said before, if you're fucking up in my bar, you're screwing with my livelihood and no one likes to have their money fucked with.

Bonus material!!
Also pretty common knowledge, I live right behind the club.  Yes my HOME is directly behind it, it's quite convenient on delivery days and save a lot in gas money (please note the enunciation on home).  When I'm at home I'm no longer in business mode, this is my personal sanctuary.  Nothing boils my blood quite as much as when someone comes knocking on my front door with business related issues.  If you want to talk to me about business related matters come talk to me when I'm at work during business hours.  If you want to apply for a job and you come to my home not only will I tell you to go to the bar while it's open but I guarantee you that your application will go directly in the garbage if you come back to fill one out.  If I wanted to apply for a job at the office down the street I sure as fuck wouldn't go to the owner's home to ask for a job.  Have a little common courtesy you assholes!   The one exception are people who have forgotten their credit cards the night before but even that has its limitations. For those who have knocked on my door before 10 in the morning FUCK YOU!

Moral of the story:  If it's business don't take it personally, and if it's personal don't bring it to my business.  If you can't make a distinction between the two,  you're an idiot, we aren't friends and you're just fooling yourself.

Special shout out to Daniel J. Zuniga-Romero who is one of the best customers ever!!

The United States of Stupid part IV

Here we have part IV, the last planned post in the United States of Stupid series.  Originally there was but one topic for this post and it was going to be relatively short and sweet.  However, I have already been irritated by someone's inability to read and honor a basic request so, this post is going to grow.

 Before I start let me say this, I am not bashing people for being religious!!  I have always had the mind set of to each their own.  If God, church, and religion makes you happy and gives you what you need to get through life, fine that's great for you. However, I've never known a person of religion that didn't at least all but demand everyone respect their religious beliefs; yet they are so unwilling to offer the same respect for those who don't share their belief.  If I respect your right to worship, respect my right not to.

Last night while browsing news headlines I happened upon yet another article regarding the religious conservatives pushing for a new law that would further restrict a woman's ability to have a safe and legal abortion.  I understand their outlook on it, according to them it is murder, wrong, and goes completely against God.  Again I have no problem with that, that is how they feel and believe, I respect that.  What I have a huge problem with is the people trying to force their beliefs and feelings upon every person in this country (abortion related or otherwise).

Myself, I'm not pro-abortion, I am pro-choice.  Let me explain this standpoint for those too dense to understand. I don't think that abortion should be used as a form of birth control; there are a lot of options available for that.  What I mean is that if you run around like the town tramp, spreading like butter on hot toast (especially without protection) I don't think you should use abortion as your fall back; get fixed, get on the pill, the shot, hell take a plan b with your breakfast.   That being said, even with the most responsible adults accidents happen, condoms break, pills fail etc.  It is for these people I absolutely support their right to choose to have the procedure if they feel it is the best option for them.  I can't even fathom how someone could question this right for rape victims...

Your religious beliefs are your own, if you have a moral issue with abortion, don't have one; it truly is that simple.  Get off your soap boxes and stop your crusades, if there is a God, then he will judge us all when the time comes, it's not your place to do so.

Moving right along to the original short and sweet topic....

I've already written a whole post on gay marriage and how I feel about it but, there is one particular issue that really irks me and that's what I'll be addressing here.
Everyone that is anti-gay marriage has their own reason for feeling that way, some religion, some are homophobic, what ever.  Fine if that's how you feel, I'm not here to try to change anyone's mind.


What I want to know is this, why do convicted murderers and rapists that are still incarcerated (some even on death row) have more rights in this country than someone who is gay?  Why is it that someone who has raped and killed multiple people is allowed to marry while still in prison but someone who has done nothing but fallen in love with another human of the same gender can not?

I'll leave it at that.

Moral of all the stories I-IV:  The road to hell is paved with good intentions and we are now right in the middle of it.  This country has gone to hell and the future is grim.  History has shown us that all great empires implode, wake up America or we will be the next example.

The United States of Stupid part III

Six in the morning and I'm writing a blog post... this could get interesting :)

Today's topics may be slightly more controversial than the previous two; having said that, if you disagree and your feelings are hurt by what I say, I don't give a damn!

I'd like to discuss the "rights" that we bestow upon people, who in my opinion don't deserve them compared to people we deny those same privileges. 

Let's start off with the welfare system!  Another good intention that has been completely overrun with stupid.  Some people believe that we should abolish the welfare system altogether; I disagree, I think it just needs to be rebuilt in ways that no politician has the balls to push as their agenda. 

I was raised with a simple principal, help people who are trying to help themselves.  Simple example, if I at some point needed to borrow money from my father because my car broke down and I couldn't get to work, he'd lend it to me; on the other hand if I needed money to pay rent because I was sitting on my ass all day long, he'd tell me to get bent.  
  What's the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word welfare?  To most it's some lazy woman with 8 kids, sitting on her ass and continuing to reproduce all in the name of free money.  This isn't just some random stereo type, people have that association because it happens so often. This is the classic perfect example of someone who does not deserve help and should forced into sterilization.
Wake up people, it should be a hand up, not a hand out!  I've long been bitter over the welfare system and it's backwards ethics; people who need and deserve a little help are normally the ones denied the help.  Here comes a personal experience example; once again we get to reflect on my time at American Express.  I'll try to condense this because I really do want to move on to my next subject.

Long story short, I was a single mom working my ass off to support my son. His "donor" has never paid even a penny of child support.  I was doing my best to financially keep afloat, and although I had a good paying job, day care expenses were making that nearly impossible.  So on one of my days off I went to D.E.S and applied for child care assistance, nothing else.  A week later I get a letter in the mail telling me that I had been denied due to the fact that I made .75 cents a month too much to be eligible.  So essentially they were telling me that if I took a lower paying job, or only worked part time I could get all the help I wanted, but since I was doing my best to be self sufficient I was screwed.  The only way to fix it, burn it to the ground and rebuild completely.

This next portion is a part that may be a little more controversial.  Let's talk illegal immigrants.  For the most part I will be discussing more localized issues but some will apply to any and all.
Let me first say I was all for the DREAM act.  I thought it was a great idea, and for anyone who has been in the country illegally for years, if they have been working and providing for their families, and not involved in criminal activities (other than being here illegally) then let them stay.  What's done is done.  

I want to talk about ones that are coming now.  If someone from an impoverished country wants to come here to try and make a better life for their family, do it, but do it legally. If you were trying to get a new job, would you break a major company policy in efforts to get that job?  No, it's the same thing.

Here in Arizona illegal immigration is a hot topic (no pun intended), every year dozens of immigrants die in the Arizona deserts from heat and exposure.  It's sad yes, but it's the chance they willingly took.  Some years ago I read an article in the Arizona Republic that boggled my mind.  The Bureau of Land Management began allowing water stations to be placed in the deserts to help curb the number of heat and dehydration deaths in the illegal border crossers.  Hey why don't we put a couple of shelters and soup kitchens out there too?  For fuck's sake people we are supposed to be discouraging illegal migration, not helping them out.  Don't misunderstand me, I'm not some heartless bitch that wishes death upon people seeking a better life, but don't start your life in our country as a criminal.  Come over legally, even if it takes 10 years to be granted the ability, wait for it, it will be worth it.
Same topic, different scenario, there was a stash house in Phoenix where authorities discovered dozens of illegal immigrants (men,women and children) they were being forced to remain in this small home with no running water, food or air conditioning for that matter, it was deplorable.  After some time they arrested 3 men who had smuggled these people over and forced them to stay in the home.  The three men were citizens of Mexico and also in the country illegally.  Almost immediately public arguments began on what should be done to these men.  Some said we should process them through our legal system and charge them with kidnapping, child endangerment etc, others said hand them over the Mexican authorities, and still others said we should just shoot them.  I personally agree with the latter, anyone who force those conditions on another human (especially a child) doesn't deserve to live.  A second branch of arguments arose from the first.  That being, did they have the right to an American trail?  In my opinion, the answer would be hell no.

They aren't citizens of our country, therefore none of our "rights" or "privileges" should be extended to them.  They are not protected under our constitution and don't deserve a trial by a jury of our peers.  Why in the hell should we spend our tax dollars on scum that's not even American scum?

I think this is a good spot to take a break and it will lead well into tomorrow's post :)

Moral of the story:  People need to wake up out of their "America the beautiful" dreamland and realize how ugly things really are.  Help those who deserve it, and not be so scared to brush aside those who won't even try to help themselves.  Nothing in life is free and the only thing anyone is entitled to is death, everything else you have to work for.  

The United States of Stupid part II

Here we are part II in the series of however many I end up writing under this same heading lol.  Maybe something interesting will happen this week at work and I'll switch it up back to bar banter.

Today I want to broach a subject that I touched on lightly in my last post. What a bunch of candy-asses everyone has become.  Most laws/rules that are put in place with the best of intentions, but they ultimately end up being taken too far. 
Let's first address sexual harassment and sexism.... Obviously when it came time to make the law it was desperately needed.  No one (male or female) should have to withstand that type of abuse just to keep a job.  However, just like everything else it's been taken to extremes and has completely gone overboard.

My own personal example:
  Years ago I lived in Phoenix and worked for American Express.  Anyone that has worked in a customer service call center (especially a finance based one) knows how incredibly frustrating it can be.  That job literally drove me to drink most days.  Anyway, on one particularly frustrating day I got the call from hell; I was on the phone with the same client for over an hour attempting to help her understand the reversal of a temporarily issued credit.  By the time the call ended I had a migraine setting in, and felt like jumping out the window.  A coworker and friend of mine named James came by my cubicle and noticed that I was obviously not well.  He went and got me a glass of water, came back and started rubbing my shoulders.  (Before I continue let me mention that James was very openly gay but that didn't dissuade our fat cow bitch of a supervisor from her fantasy that one day they would be a couple.)  He lingered for a few moments and then went back to his own desk.  The next day when I arrived at work, I'm immediately summoned to human resources to be advised that both James and I were being written up for sexual harassment because "Someone" (yeah the fat cow bitch) was offended by him rubbing my shoulders.   

Through the years we've seen news of kindergarten students being suspended for kissing, in higher levels of school boyfriends and girlfriends are not allowed to show even basic harmless affection such as holding hands on campus with out being reprimanded.

Hell, just a few months ago President Obama was forced to apologize for calling a woman attractive because it was sexist... Can we not even pay a harmless compliment anymore?  Give me a god damn break!!!

Something else I've never been able to wrap my head around is the taboo that we've made nudity and sex.  No I'm not talking about the videos you rent in the poorly lit back room of a video store aka porn.. I'm talking regular movies that have nudity or love scenes.  Parents will allow their children to watch all the bloody graphic violence that they can handle but god forbid there be a bare breast in the movie!!

My example:

The movie 300.. I loved it I think it's a great movie, there's a lot of  graphic violence and in my opinion a very tasteful sex scene.  When it first came to theaters I asked about it online, to get a general idea if it was appropriate for my 10 year old son to see.  The few people who knew me well and responded said yes I would be fine; others that didn't know me so well chimed in and said that if it weren't for the sex scene it would be fine.  I took the advice of my better known friends and we all watched it and loved it.

If you haven't seen 300 please do so now and maybe you'll understand my point...   How do people feel comfortable letting their children watch mass bloody murder but not a husband and wife make love?  "Oh I don't want them exposed to sex or nudity because it might make them become curious or active" ← If that's your argument, you're fucking backwards!
First of all, in my opinion if you're actually doing your job as a parent, your kids aren't going to learn how to behave by something they see in a movie;  I see it like this, if my son is going to be inspired by TV/Movies to do something, I'd rather him have sex than kill people.
 "Well all of the violence/murder in this movie/show is fiction, sex is something real" ← Fuck you, pick up a paper, watch the news, pull your fucking head out of the sand, because although some details may be different all of that violence is real.  So, here we have yet another example of how twisted our country has become.  We're essentially teaching them, yeah it's ok to go on a shooting spree but god damn it you better be fully clothed when you do it!

Moral of the story:  If basic human compassion and affection is wrong, I don't want to be human anymore.  If we don't want to live in a world that is parallel with that of the movie Equilibrium, then I suggest we take a step back and reevaluate some of our laws and regulations. 

The United States of Stupid part I

Fore thought:  This topic will be a mini series of sorts, way too much ground to cover for just one post.

There is so much wrong with country I'm not even sure where to begin.  Not a day goes by that I'm not shaking my head and thinking to myself "We've completely fucked ourselves and we didn't even kiss ourselves first."

Our "great" nation is so ass backwards, there's no saving it, we've died at our own hands, we just don't know we're dead yet. 


Let's talk priorities and what's important.  Assuming that all of my readers are adults, most of which are parents, I ask the question, what is more important to you, the safety and welfare of your child or which team won the Superbowl this year?  Unless your a complete waste of flesh you are going to answer your child/children.  I say to you, fucking prove it!!

We'll use college as an example.  At any major public university, who do you think gets paid more, a physics professor or the head football coach?  If you answered the professor you're an idiot and are a shining example of the lack of education in this country. Here is just one of the many sources on the subject.  I know what most would say next, "The sports programs bring in so much revenue for the universities." I've heard it before but the argument just validates my point even further.  We as a nation spend more money on watching a bunch of meat heads toss a ball than we do on educating ourselves.  We are so fundamentally fucked up we try to justify the rot with it's own stench.
Seriously, we pay entertainers of any sorts (sports stars, musicians, actors) more than we do teachers, police, fire fighters, and in some cases health care providers (no I'm not talking about your plastic surgeon you superficial bitch) and we wonder why our country is full of dumbed down criminals?




 
Speaking of schools, when I was a kid in school there were open and obvious distinctions between students and their abilities.  Winners and losers, gifted students and ones that needed special ed; if you were competing in any sort of contest and succeeded you were awarded for success and if you lost well "try harder next time loser". Ok, maybe they weren't quite that blatant about it but the losing team/person certainly wasn't awarded.  It's a part of life, you lose/fail, you learn to face that and hopefully find a way not to do it again.  Yes there were often hurt feelings but again those hurt feelings handed you a valuable life lesson and help children prepare for life in the harsh "real world".

Now here we are in the world of no child left behind, you're all special and unique snowflakes, there are no losers.  *coughWTFISTHISBULLSHITcough*  We are setting our kids up for a terribly rude awakening if not total failure.  The NCLB act was a nice idea, forcing schools to adhere to certain national standard.  What it's really accomplished (in many cases), is teachers focusing lessons solely on what is covered on the standardized test, all but completely obliterating funding for gifted programs, and curving grades to make sure the school doesn't fall below standards.  Children that have no business advancing to the next grade are still being passed, until they've graduated high school and still can't read at an eighth grade level.  Parents scream and cry out injustice "the teachers are failing our children".  Wrong again, we are failing our children.  If your child is struggling rather than point fingers, take the time to help them, if you can't maybe you should go back to school yourself.  So many people today expect teachers to not only teach but essentially raise their children for them. If you want a nanny hire one, but don't expect a poorly paid teacher to do your job for you.






Moral of the story:  Though I know I'm not the only one who sees the desperate need for radical changes, I also know nothing will change.  Even if the entire country read this blog and agreed, nothing would change.   Until more individual people are ready to radically change themselves and their priorities, our country will remain headed down the road to no where.

Stay tuned for part II of  "The United States of Stupid"

Abusive bartenders and the assholes that love them..

It's been a month since my last blog, I'd like to blame it on writers block but honestly I've just been too emotionally "down" to rant publicly over anything.

Even now as I write this I'm feeling quite "blah" about it.  It's not a rant or rave just an observation I've made a few times and got a good laugh about yesterday.

I'm a bartender; I've worked in bars for nearing twenty years so I've grown accustomed to withstanding all sorts of abuse.  Tolerance all in the name of the mighty dollar.  However, I've also perfected the technique of dishing out abuse to deserving customers and them eating it up like candy; it's truly amazing what you can get away with saying to people as long as you have the right tone and a smile on your face.

This last Saturday night I lost my composure; after what seemed an eternity of nearly every person I served arguing,complaining or whining, I snapped. I screamed, cussed, threw stuff, and even told one guy to fuck off and go away.  I immediately went in the back room to take a moment to pull myself together and went back to face the hordes.  For the rest of the night I was a special kind of bitch, seriously verbally abusive to my customers but of course always with a smile on my face.

One customer especially got under my skin.  He's new to the area, (I'm pretty sure Saturday night was only his second time in) and in a very short time has demonstrated all the behaviors that I fucking hate in customers.  If you've read any of my previous blogs you know some of them but I'll give a brief summary for those who haven't.

• Slamming your hand on the bar or whistling to get my attention
• Demanding my attention and then when I get you not knowing what you want
• Arguing over alcohol content in the drink (I pour heavy if you can't taste the alcohol you need to go to AA)
• Not having payment ready
• Acting like you're the only customer in the bar (if we are busy you're going to have to wait for service, I hate for you but everyone has to wait at some point)
• and last but not least the "I used to be a bartender" (this one really gets on my nerves.  Really, I could give a fuck less if you used to work in a bar, you don't now.  Also, obviously for some reason you weren't successful enough at it to own one and I am so your insight is invalid)

After having done all of the above but the last one, he put the last nail in his coffin with this:
Him: "I need a sweet but really strong drink for a girl"
Me: "Ok how about an Amf or a derailer?"
As I make my suggestions he turns around to confer with a friend, I wait ....wait... now I walk away to wait on other people..  Eventually making my way back to him I ask him if he's decided what he wants.   I can't remember what he ordered but it was a drink I'd never heard of, I told him I didn't know how to make it and asked if he knew what went in it.  He then proceeds to say that he didn't know but his friend (the one he originally turned around to talk to) used to be a bartender and had made the drink up.
Me: "Are you fucking kidding me right now?" just as I'm about to tell this guy where he can shove his suggestion, my Jerri Lu steps in and says "If you're friend made it up, how in the hell is she supposed to know how to make it?"   He walks away to find his friend, the both eventually come back to the bar and he orders an Amf.  I face-palm and make his drink.

To say the least for the rest of the night I did nothing but talk shit to this kid.  Patronizing him in every way that I thought I could get away with.

Fast forward to Sunday.. I'm at home sitting on my couch in my pjs when there is a knock on my door.  It's the "friend" he had forgotten his credit card.  I begrudgingly put on my shoes and walk over to the bar. He follows me in and right after him is the "annoying guy".    Polite conversation was made while I was getting his card and slip and then they said something that inspired this whole post..

"Thanks for everything last night you're awesome" I laughed a little and told them that I know I was a huge bitch to them all night.  They proceeded to argue with me, and tell me that they loved me, how much fun I was and that I was one of the best bartenders they've encountered.
Maybe they are very sheltered or gluttons for punishment,but I am still giggling about it.

Moral of the story: I treat customers how they deserve to be treated.  If you're good to me, I will be to you; if you're a little annoying asshole I'll treat you like one.  This is one of the reasons I love what I do, the ability to call people out on their bullshit and get away with it.  So, the next time you're in my club if you feel like you're being treated poorly by me, step back and take a self assessment of your behavior and maybe you'll realize why you are being treated the way you are.