So, it's been 2 years....

I have to start by saying this, don't ever let anyone steal your life from you. Allow me to explain... I'm obviously not talking murder, though you should try to avoid that as well, but I mean more of your essence, your core being, and identity (no, not identity theft either).  It's been two years since I've written, some would probably call it writer's block, but this goes beyond that.  It's more like my desire was stripped from me.  I love writing, I always have; don't misunderstand I've never dreamed to be a novelist or journalist of any sort, but for as long as I can remember it was the best and easiest way for me to truly convey my thoughts and feelings, to sort out my emotional messes.  
Shortly after my last post, out of pure maliciousness, someone that I loved dearly shamed me for my writing.  They said terrible, unforgivable things to me, their only intent being to hit me where they knew it would hurt, and it worked .  Ultimately, I only have myself to blame, in my own weakness of will, I allowed them the power over me to do so. I'm not trying to play the victim card, it's more of self realization I guess.  
   My entire life, I've been plagued by self-doubt, or the feeling of not being good enough, not for any one person mind you, just in general, and though I obviously never thought of myself as anything special, I always believed that I was at least a pretty decent individual overall. Then someone entered my life, and I changed myself, solely to make them happy; not just superficial changes, but key aspects of who I am as a person.  Not all of the changes were bad I suppose, but now, looking back over the years, I realize just how much of myself I've given up and I am ashamed. 

Anyone that knows me personally, and isn't just randomly reading this has probably figured out by now who I'm talking about, it's not difficult.  Those of you that do, before you completely start trashing him, please remember that I am just as much to blame as he is.  I allowed it, and I've certainly been far from perfect. 

You see all these women empowering posts all over the place, "Never settle", "Don't let no man change you" (if you're wondering, yes that was difficult for me to type).  Well, I call bullshit on that!!  In any serious relationship, there has to compromise, and I hate to drag your head out of the clouds, but you will always "settle" in some aspect.  For example, say you are Jewish and they are Catholic, well now you both celebrate Christmas and Hunnakah to be respectful to each other's traditions.  So, in some way or another to accommodate your partner, you will change little parts of yourself, it just happens, and it for the most part can be very beneficial to the relationship. 

I let it go so much deeper than that.  Year after year I gave up another piece of myself, in attempts to make things better, happier.  Which might not have been bad, if he did the same, and if I wasn't urged to do so by an ultimatum.

Enough of that, it's gotten much too long winded and I'm getting much more personal than I intended. 

Moral of the story:  While adapting to make your coexistence with another person is necessary, letting someone guilt you into fundamentally changing at your core, will lead to nothing, but resentful bitterness. 

Also, this is a piece of me I hope I am able to rebuild.  I have a more "typical of me" post in mind already, I just have to see if I can get the thoughts out into written word.